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So you fancy filling your bedroom with supercharged sexual
energy, gleaned from millennia of Chinese feng shui? Well of course
you do - it's what we promised at the end of our last blog! And
when it comes to a little fun in the bedroom you can't knock our
oriental feng shui-friendly friends. Most populous place on the
planet? China! Home of feng shui? China! You can't knock logic like
that on the decorating-to-nooky index.
Feng shui is intimately related to the Chinese philosophy of
Taoism. It's very clear on the subject of our bodies and physical
love - Tao thinks they rock! Especially if you're a chick. Blokes -
well let's try and be a little open minded as we proceed.
Taoism's all in favour of physical, bodily sex being a right
good thing. Amen to that. Unfortunately fellas, Tao says we should
try and keep up with the ladies up until that vital, final step,
whereas women folk are encouraged to go all the way and scream with
delight until the cows come to your newly-decorated home.
Apparently this is because it's denial of that final moment that
increases male chi energy, whereas it's female self indulgence that
increases chi energy for her! One asks: was Tao a chick? Bet that's
the first time you've asked that question before redecorating!
Last blog we mentioned red brings good chi (good luck), so paint
the front door red. Behind that red door clutter should be banished
- chi abhors clutter! Like the average fella hates holding
it all in while his partner just keeps on growing her sexual energy
- not that I'm bitter.
Now the chi's flowing (thanks red door!), better give it some
reason to tarry a while. Try an aquarium - most efficacious here as
there's nothing good 'chi' enjoys more than a frolic in the water
with some brightly coloured fish. No room or inclination for
aquariums? Try pictures with a water theme instead.
Moving quickly to the bedroom, feng shui advice can seem alien
to the western mind. First thing in the feng shui manual is get rid
of the TV. Clever of our Chinese friends to have invented the
goggle box over a millennia ago. Perhaps not so clever of them to
overlook the merits of a good DVD (say one involving a plumber with
an unfeasibly large wrench and a pretty young lady in need of his
services). Still, each to his own.
In any case, if you must have a TV in the bedroom, feng shui has
the answer: cover it in a plastic cloth! Now we've checked
and re-checked but feng shui is most emphatic. The cover for your
TV must be plastic. As we're at a complete loss about this second
anachronism... let's move on and say no more about it.
One more little thing: no mirrors on the walls at bed height.
Apparently they invite third parties into a relationship which can
cause trouble. In most cases.... Still, look on the bright side;
we've seen nothing banning mirrors on the ceiling which is good
because Frank, one of our craftsmen is an expert.... Anyway,
onward feng shui-stylee!
Light and colour are essential for sensuality. One item feng
shui highly advises is our old friend the dimmer switch (use one
over a 1000 years old with caution). However, most favoured of all
are candles. So while you can't watch Madonna doing her stuff with
Kevin Bacon in Body of Evidence on DVD, you can copy her
hot candle wax foreplay from the film right in your bedroom.
For the feng shui bedroom we want a balance between the super
sensual and, if Sting's 8-hour tantrics are on the menu,
invigorating rest (oxygen tent and paramedics optional). Strangely
plants are frowned upon in anything but large bedrooms, where they
should be placed by a window.
Colours are key for creating that mix of sexiness and
relaxation. They divide into 'ying' (cool colours) and 'yang' (warm
ones). For example, blue is calming and restful as are purple,
green, silver and black (go you Goths!). Alternatively white,
yellow and red are all considered 'yang' or warm colours, along
with lavender, gold and orange. Creating this balance might sound
difficult but there's a myriad of colours that are either ying
(cool) or yang (warm) from which to choose from.
Prints or paintings for the bedroom should represent what you'd
like to happen in your life. Fortunately the world of art provides
a plethora of images which, to the professional eye, would never be
considered, pornography. Alternatively, utter filth can often be
passed off as work that's 'really happening' in the art world,
although most of us couldn't tell the difference. Take an unmade
bed. Saatchi did for thousands. An unmade bed, I ask you!
Your bed should be easily accessible from both sides but
shouldn't be in a direct line with a door through which chi can
easily depart. Nor should it be scruffy, unkempt and worth
thousands on the art market like Ms Emin's. Finally, all doors in
the bedroom should be closed to keep all the chi in this room of
You don't have to go all 'Grasshopper' to have fun giving your
home a feng shui theme. This is especially true in the bedroom. Try
imagining a little feng shui makeover with your lover, a few colour
swatches and maybe a bottle of wine, then see what works!
can offer interior design services, including feng shui, for those
wishing to use them - just DU.IT
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