If anyone bothers to ask whether you want to go to the DIY
superstore this Easter, just say
NO! Now, that wasn't so
difficult was it? The clue's in the word "Holiday."
DIY is most popular at Easter, yet includes things like
plumbing, decorating, wiring and so on. The sort of thing usually
done by plumbers, decorators, electricians etc. in return for
money. This is called work, whereas holiday means: 'A day
or (often in pl) a season of idleness and recreation' and
so on and so forth, according to the Chambers English Dictionary
(p679).
Now, unless you like getting electrocuted or some other
unfortunate occurrence instead of, say, flopping on the comfy sofa,
possibly with mates, opening a cold one and watching Billionaires
United destroy Sporting Values Rule FC, that's fine.
However, if you prefer the whole comfy sofa scenario then you'd
better arm yourself with some good reasons justifying what you're
not doing. This is just in case your conscience teams up
with your partner and the four horses of the apocalypse with the
intention of dragging you down the unmentionable. Right, trousers
down, bend over and prepare for six of the best!
1. DIY-wise, you're an oaf: Studies show 9 out
of 10 women know nothing about DIY, whereas only 8.9 out of 10 men
are similarly useless. Don't ask about that extra 0.1% of women. It
was nasty. Best think of them as just a small number of the 250,000
injuries and 70 deaths DIY causes each year, according to
R.O.S.P.A. (Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents). One
more thing - those DIY deaths and injuries peak over Easter.
2. Money-wise, you're a genius!: Estate agents
will tell you that a simple lick of paint can increase the selling
price of your house, sometimes by up to 10%, if done well and not
by some oaf (see above) who kicks over full, open paint pots for
example, the most common mishap in a long, long line. The same
principle applies to all home improvements.
3. Money-wise, you're even more of a genius!:
Very soon, DIYers will be working out how much it'll cost for a
professional to put their DIY disasters right. £9,000 on average
according to insurer AXA. What's more, recent legislation means
that many insurance policies the DIYer may wish to use will be
invalid unless the necessary qualifications are held, particularly
concerning gas, plumbing and electrical work. Either way, AXA
reckons a whopping 43% will be stuffed by invalid insurance (that's
not you, that isn't). Has anyone mentioned not everybody like's a
smart-arse?
4. Make Carole Smiley Cry!: Get in with the
in-crowd baby and ditch the DIY. One study revealed that 93% of men
have had enough TV shows on how to turn your bijou studio flat into
a 15-bed roomed Tuscan villa for £99 and are screaming: "Oi, Handy
Andy, No!" They've called the professionals instead. One theory for
this change is the influx of cheap but high quality labour from new
European member states like Poland.
5.You're a Feminist! (when it suits): When
market research company YouGov surveyed 2000 woman, over half said
they'd put up their own shelves and 15% even own power tools (easy
tiger) - Homebase have even launched a range aimed at the female
DIYer. What's more - and here's the real clincher - a quarter
of young women so distrust their partner's skill they've banned
them from picking up a drill at all.
6. Help the economy! Well us actually. In 2003,
sitting on your butt and getting professionals to do all your home
improvements was thought to be the strongest part of the retail
economy. Plus you'll be resurrecting the tradition of using public
holidays to, well, chill out really. All this DIY at Easter
malarkey was unheard of in the 50s.
Well that's Easter sorted and the great thing is this all works
for any other holiday too.
Happy Easter.